What's your why?

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve hated asking myself that question. Lately, I’ve taken to dancing wildly by myself and almost every time it makes me cry. I swear these things are related. This is a story of connecting the dots, synchronicity, and aging.

‘What’s my why’ has taken up residence inside my brain. A simple enough question with no clear answer for me, at least, not in a way that would satisfy the loans manager at a bank or slip easily into dinner party chit chat.

In a recent session with my coach, we pulled this long-suffering, existential question apart. With expert precision, she went straight to heart of the matter. “Geraldine, tell me four stories related to your work; when you were in flow, had chills from head to toe, when you were in the pocket, or when you stood in jaw-dropping awe at the experience. Tell me those stories.”

That was easy. I talked about clients who opened their hearts fully, who risked vulnerability, who dropped glorious nuggets of wisdom, who received an Ah-ha right in the moment. I talked about group experiences and witnessing women connect with each other in ways they’d never done before and how I saw their eyes light up when they realized they’re not alone.

I talked about raw, wild, joyful expression and experiences and how that feeds my soul and passion, to keep doing what I do.

‘MY WHY,’ I REALIZED, IS A FEELING.

They were dancing to shake off stress, for fun, to celebrate, to feel, to sing, to release -
to move shit-energy OUT of their bodies in order to call in a higher vibration.

Since my first newsletter last month, I blocked off several time slots in my calendar to write this one, and have been unsuccessful which is so funny because last month I wrote about resistance to routine and structure. Ha!

One thing I’m very good at is reframing and recontextualizing a thought or belief by turning it on its head, by choosing different words that generate a different and better feeling. I entered “Dance newsletter into being,” into my calendar for 12:30 pm for the next day.

When the 15-minute reminder popped up the following day I ignored it. Instead, I headed to the kitchen looking for something to eat while scrolling through Instagram. I kid you not - within a minute or two of said scrolling, multiple posts appeared of women dancing.

They were dancing to shake off stress, for fun, to celebrate, to feel, to sing, to release - to move shit energy OUT of their bodies in order to call in a higher vibration.

Irina Charny Mosaics / The Dance (Earth, Water, Fire, Air) /icmosaics.com

Signs. Many signs.

So I took the cue. Minutes later, earbuds in, I was dancing through the entire house to Earth, Wind & Fire, A Taste of Honey and ABBA. As I hustled and bus-stopped my way barefoot around the room, I moved in all the ways my 20-something self used to move (in 4” heals no less). Body fully engaged, hands up in the air, singing along, I felt emotion welling up, moving the lump in my throat up and out. I sang louder in an attempt to sing through it, I danced harder until finally…the tears came. I tried to stop it at first and then I just let the emotion flow. I let myself cry.

In those tears, I felt joy, release, and pleasure seeping through the little cracks of myself. I also felt a tinge of regret because I’ve been holding out on myself. I must dance more often.

'My why' is a feeling.

On September 16th my goddess-friend and fellow crone Janet Bertolus and I launch the first public intake of Croneology – a six-week, on-line roundtable for women 50 and over where we dive into all those out of bounds, age appropriate and cringe-worthy topics from the practical to the mystical that we’re not supposed to discuss in polite company.
Registration is now open for the next intake of Croneology beginning September 16, 2021.

We ran a beta for this program in spring, and let me say this – where wise women are gathered with *fiery purpose (a term coined by croneologist, Cate Friesen) to share their collective wisdom and deepen into themselves there is holy fire! We laughed, we were curious, we got angry, we fell to our knees as we recognized ourselves in each other. We felt the sacred, hilarious and the profane, and we felt love – lots of love.

‘My why’ is to feel connection, love, joy, truth, trust, laughter, as well as sorrow and grief, and bone-deep authenticity. 'My why', whether I’m coaching a woman of 28, 38 or 68 or in circle with a council of crones - is a feeling.

It’s not an answer the bank loans manager likes so much, but, so be it.

Journal Prompts

What's your why? Do you know?
What raw, wild, joyful expression helps connect to your why?
Where do you experience holy fire?

I’d love to hear from you. Did something here resonate with you? Tell me how. Is there a subject you’d like me to riff on? Email geraldine@gdbcoaching.ca and let me know.

Book a free 30-minute discovery call with me here if you're curious to know if coaching is for you. I can’t wait to meet you.

~GDB